Monthly Archives: November 2012
There appears to be two distinct paradigms when it comes to “overweight” and the term “obesity”. I like to call this “Lazy vs. Love Thy Body”. I like to think I am neutrally nestled somewhere in the middle.
Here’s the thing. There are the people that say, “No wonder there is an obesity problem – everyone is so friggen lazy!”. I have heard tooting all the time “get off the couch!”. Right, **insert sarcasm** that’s why we have an obesity epidemic – Canadians just became super lazy. Umm. No.
And then, there are the people who believe it really doesn’t matter what your body looks like, you should just embrace those curves. Life is short. You know, the anti-scale people; the “fat is beautiful” people; the “you are smart, you are beautiful and doggone it, people LIKE YOU!!” people. Yah, yah. You are onto something there, I am smart, and beautiful and people do like me. I like me. I just didn’t like the way my clothes fit. And, doing some yoga poses with a muffintop was a little awkward – not to mention I didn’t look nearly as graceful and eloquent as the yoga instructor when she did the downward dog.
I remember going on my first all-inclusive vacation to Mexico in 2009. I am pretty sure I had tried on about 185 different bathing suits and bikinis. I invested a lot of time, and money to accommodate what was a measly little muffintop, at the time. I remember thinking to myself after being at the resort for a couple days and people watching “Huh! What was I so worried about? People traipsing around here CLEARLY don’t care what other people think. They are clearly confident with how they look in that far-to-small-for-them bikini.” That’s when my curves and I made our way to the snack bar and grabbed another Brandy Alexander on the way. I had the “fat is beautiful!” attitude for the rest of the vacation, and beyond. Well, by the time we went on our next vacation I had to buy larger swimsuits. Ugh! Totally uncomfortable. That motto didn’t work for me.
Once upon a time I HAD a body I was pleased with. Can’t I just be entitled to want it back?!? It doesn’t mean I am obsessive, or that I have a disorder – I just want my fricken’ body back!
A Guest Blog By Kelly Tibbets
Just in case some of you are just tuning in to my life I will catch you up…In 2009 my 3 week old little girl was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. Long story short, it was hard and it is still hard. One thing that I have learned on my Hcg journey is that I developed a food addiction during the grieving process. My husband, bless his amazing Daddy soul, will take our girls camping often in the summer and this gives me a chance to have evenings all to myself. What I had started doing, without even realizing it, was going to the grocery store and buying all of my favourite junk food and bingeing pretty hard on it. Looking back, the justification in my head was that I didn’t want my kids to have these types of food so we wouldn’t keep them in the house – so THAT was WHY I was having them now…. While on protocol, during the summer nights when I couldn’t do that – I realized that I was just stuffing down all of my heartache over Rowan’s diagnosis. Those were very strange evenings as the need to “numb out” the pain was gone… but the habit was still there.
Since Cystic Fibrosis came into our lives I have become very active in fundraising and creating awareness of this awful disease – I even have the honour of being our local Chapter’s President. This weekend was our Prairie Regional meeting and something happened that I really did not see coming…I ate, and I ate and I ate. I have to sit next to people who have children that have lost their battles with this disease – and still they come – still they come to raise money to find a cure so that the death of their children will not be in vain. Still they come so that my husband and I will never have to experience what I am sure can only be described as unspeakable pain… Still they come to change the future of my child and so many other children. I have to watch these people hear medical opinions and advances that are so completely different from where they were 10, 15, 20 years ago. I have to see the agony when they are told that medical choices that they made may have been directly related to what killed their children…. So…. I ATE.
This is no surprise to me – that I still have to stuff down this pain – but here is what is different and what I am excited about. I feel no guilt. Not in a “eff you, I was hurting so I am going to do whatever the hell I want” way… I had a slip, I made a mistake, I did the best I could at the time in a difficult situation. It was a situation that I had gone into knowing I would have difficult choices to make as it relates to food…. but I took for granted the emotional impact spending an entire weekend talking about Cystic Fibrosis would have on me.
There was a moment when I first got home on Sunday that I wanted to drop to the ground and curl into a tiny little ball and really, really, beat myself up about this – but I didn’t. I really just thought “oh well, tomorrow is another day”. Plus, the way I feel physically today is punishment enough!
My cell phone rang a couple weeks ago. Just a simple glance at the odd-ball number and “Washington” on the call display SHOUTED “put it the hell down and don’t answer it – they want to sell you another free cruise!” My gut told me to answer it, so I did “Hello?”. On the other end of the line I hear this strong masculine voice say “This is the President of The Marriann Hammond Fan Club in Snohomish, Washington”. I literally, LOL!! Haaalarious!! I just knew it was Brad Simkins, because I know he reads, comments on, and shares my blog posts. Plus, he is the only person I know of that lives in Washington. It’s not a coincidence that Brad and I were brought into the same circle a couple of months ago. It’s a blessing, I say. I don’t know that I would have ever come across him or his blog “Inner Guide Empowerment“, any other way. The inspirational posts on his Facebook page, always seem to speak to me in the right way, at the right moment. I embrace all he has to say, always.
Brad called me to tell me how much he really enjoys my posts – and how he often shares them with clients of his. He was encouraging and supportive. He said the most beautiful things about me, without ever having actually met me. Weird, hey? LOL!! Brad somehow knew that one of my biggest weaknesses is always my concern of “what will people think?”. I don’t know how he knew this – perhaps it comes across in my writing? He pointed out that it takes a great deal of bravery and vulnerability to write a public blog and share it with strangers. Let me tell you, that fear and vulnerability goes to an entire new level when you share it with friends and family. It touched my heart to hear him say all these wonderful things. The thought that he took time out of his day to track down my phone number, call me, thank me and encourage me – touched me to the core.
There have been many times over the course of the last year when I thought of quitting my blog, quitting my business – just quitting and existing. Fear and self-doubt overpowers my mind. Many times I stop and question my ability to inspire others. Who do I think I am? I’m just another face in the crowd (I think that’s a song? LOL if it’s not, it should be!) Brad lifted me up in a 15 minute phone call. The funny thing is, as soon as I hung up the phone I was overcome with a rush of saddness (which is bringing tears to my eyes AGAIN, right now…UGH!!!). This feeling brings me to my knees every once in a while – and I have a little pity party. Are you thinking “Cut the crap already! What were you thinking?”? Okay, this is what I thought “Why can’t the people I love so dearly, the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally, EVER lift me up and say anything nice like that?” Most of my negative thoughts and feelings usually always come back to this same conversation with myself, about the same people. These thoughts in my head were stealing “my moment”. My moment of praise and celebration. My moment to feel that maybe “someone actually thinks I am AWESOME?” I emailed Brad the next day and told him what happened. This was his response:
What you are feeling is completely understandable. I would like to offer a different view of this. I would suggest that this indicates further evidence on how far you have grown, and how awesome you are!!! It is easy, when we grow up in a home that teaches us since early childhood how awesome we are, and models for us positive approaches in life.
Yet, Marriann came from a family that was negative, critical and lacking in support… and she not only survived, but she thrived!!! She rose from that negativity and is a positive light in the world, encouraging others, and giving generously what she never received from her family. I would suggest that this is not something to be sad about, but proud of and validation of how powerful you are.
I realized many years ago, that I would never get from my bio family what I needed. So, I made the choice to create a ‘family-of-the-heart,” I have a few dads, several moms, and dozens of brothers and sisters. They provide the support, love, belief in me, etc that I always craved growing up, and never received. This has grown and evolved, and now I am the father-of-the-heart to over 150 kids. I now provide for them, the same love, kindness and support that my parents-of-the-heart gave me many years ago.
The first step is recognizing and accepting that this is not about you Marriann. These people do not withhold appreciation, because you are lacking. Far from it!!! Their behavior is a reflection of their inadequacies, not yours.
I would strongly encourage you to not hold yourself in. Let your beautiful light shine Marriann!!! For that is where we experience the most pain, when we force ourselves to be less than we are. Also, when we hold our light in, we send out an energy vibration, that attracts people who like to be critical and abusive. They pick up on this, and the cycle continues. Instead, I would invite you to embrace the beautiful words of another Marriann. Her name is Marianne Williamson. And she once shared in one of her books:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Let you beautiful light shine Marriann, and continue to be the inspiration and example for others… so they too will let their light shine!!!
If Brad’s message resonates with you, you can start following him here:
I am now in love with Marianne Williamson (plus we have the same name so she has to be AWESOME!) Here is her website http://www.marianne.com/